top At the end of February, after much debate and discussion, I finally got the go ahead to go on vacation! Originally, I had thought that I would only be able to travel within the US, so I had started some research and asked my peeps on Facebook where in the US they would travel. I got some great suggestions and started looking into New Orleans, Chicago and Florida a bit more. Then when I was chatting with my doc going over places to go, I threw out Europe. She gave me a look and then said, “I would be a hypocrite to say no. I love Europe. The hospitals there are well maintained, so if anything happens to you, I won’t be as worried. Can you do your trip in your off time from chemo?” I had no clue if I could or not, but I would figure it out.
 
Now, the funny part is a few days before all of this the hubs forwarded me an email from Travel Zoo about a tour of Italy. It was only 8 days, and they were running a sale. Well, heck! I think this is a sign. I started looking at it a bit more. Trips were planned almost every other week starting in March. I then did a deep dive into my medical bills. Thanks to my generous friends and family I had a little extra cash to pay for the ever-growing stack. For once I didn’t feel like I needed to hold back. This trip really could be possible.
 
I then had the hubs check the vacation calendar at the shop to see if he could get the time off. He could make it work if we were back by the beginning of May. Otherwise, we would have to wait to mid-summer. I checked with my boss, and she said not to even give the office a second thought. Whenever I went, she would make it work. I just had to make my chemo schedule worked with the travel schedule. I did a bit more investigating and found the right dates and they were part of the sale! I waited for the hubs to get home to double check that all the dates lined up and then clicked the purchase button. We were going to Rome, Florence and Venice in April!!!
 
The time before we left for the trip, I was a bundle of nerves. All the what ifs played in my head. The best part was I had less than 30 days to worry about the what ifs. I put it aside with a bit of retail therapy. I needed packing cubes, power adapters, a cute new top or two and a new coat for the trip after all. LOL Before I knew it, it was time to pack the suitcase and get to the airport. My doctor wrote me a note asking the airline for any accommodation they could give me. That came in handy since the hubs and I were sitting apart from each other on one of our flights. It probably wouldn’t have been that big of a deal to not be next to each other, but I am the keeper of the snacks. I’m not sure if the other passengers would have been so willing to pass around the sour patch kids without keeping some for themselves.
 
We finally arrived in Rome, but the suitcase that we checked did not. Good thing all my meds, toiletries and a change of clothing were in my carry on. We filled out all the paperwork and got the airline the address of our hotel in Rome. The suitcase was scheduled to arrive the next day, but they would call if anything else happened. We finally got to our hired car to take us to the hotel. I didn’t care that I was missing half my stuff. I was in freaking Italy! I’ll buy new clothes if I have to.
 
The absolute most amazing site was as we were driving into Rome from the airport. Out of nowhere the Colosseum appeared. Such an amazing piece of architecture sitting right in front of me. Rome is just filled with buildings that are really old and others that are just old. I found it fascinating. I guess it’s one of the downsides of being from California. There isn’t anything that old here. Our hotel was an old building that was transformed into a nice hotel with a few modern touches. I really wasn’t worried about what the hotel was like. As long as it was clean and comfortable I was good. Once we checked in, we dropped off our bags and headed out to explore. I did my best to soak it all in. The first day we were on our own, as the rest of the group arrived at different times. By 4pm I was feeling the jet lag start to kick in. The hubs and I made our way back to the hotel and tried to stay awake. It didn’t work. It was okay though. The next morning, we had an early wake up to meet the group, have breakfast and take off on our first tour.
 
4 days in Rome did not disappoint. We toured the Colosseum, the Forum, Palatine Hill, Vatican City and so much more. We found some cute holes in the wall places to eat, that had the best food, and I wanted to try it all. I had read that Italians didn’t eat breakfast like Americans do. They do it better! Who needs eggs and bacon when you can have cake and cappuccino?!?! Before we knew it, it was time to move on to Florence. On our way there we stopped in Orvieto and Assisi and ended the day with a night tour of Florence. Florence was just beautiful. The next day we saw the city in daylight and then made an afternoon trip to Pisa. We then packed up for our last stop, Venice. First, we had lunch in Bologna and made a stop in Padova.
 
By the time we arrived in Venice I was jumping out of my skin with excitement.  My older sister was staying in Venice at the same time with one of her friends. Neither one of us talked about the trips we had planned before they were booked. I just happened to message her letting her know that we were finally going on holiday and she responded asking what dates we were going to be in Venice. Who would have thought that we would both randomly book trips to Italy and both be in the same city at the same time? It was kismet! The first part of the day the hubs and I did a walking tour with the group and the evening was spent drinking spritz and having a good laugh or ten with my sister and her friend. Who could ask for more?
 
Sadly, our time in Italy had to come to an end. I didn’t want to leave. There was still more pasta, pizza, gelato and wine for me to try. Reluctantly I packed my bag and off to the airport we went. The hubs checked the fitness app on his phone and discovered we did on average 18,000 steps a day. Thank you steroids for giving me the energy to keep up! Our flights home were uneventful. We watched a bunch of movies and I read a bunch of books. 14 hours is a long time to sit in one spot. It didn’t feel that long going over.
 
The day after we got home, I was back to my routine. I had to go to the doc office to get lab work done. Then that Friday I was back for chemo. All the nurses wanted to hear about my trip and were just amazed that I had only been home two days. As my luck would have it I then ended up with a sinus infection, that turned into an ear infection. Three rounds of antibiotics later and I’m almost back to normal. As much as being sick sucks, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. 

Survivor… I keep seeing the word survivor everywhere. Random posts about people surviving cancer. Graphics about being a breast cancer survivor. The word should be full of hope and promise, but yet it just makes my heart ache. For whatever reason I was never wild about the possibility of being labeled a survivor. I don’t know why really. When I started this journey, everything was about the fight. Yes, surviving is the ultimate goal, but I didn’t want it to define me. Part of me now wonders if somehow, I knew deep down that this fight would never end.
 
At what point do you label yourself a survivor? When you are finished with chemo? After you have surgery to remove the cancer? When you’ve completed radiation? Someone said that they call themselves a survivor after each chemo session. Ha! If I use this, I’ll be labeling myself a survivor three to four times a month. Could the same thing be said about surviving radiation? I’ve competed my fair share of it and I won’t be surprised if I end up doing another round or two. Can I label myself a survivor at the end of each day because I made it through, or is that what ice cream is for? Even with trying to put a positive spin on it, I still don’t love the word.
 
At the end of the day, my issue isn’t with the word, but the fact that I will never be able to use it. I find myself jealous of people who are labeled breast cancer survivors. The people who rung the bell, who were declared cancer free. They get to go on with their lives and have hope for their future. I’ve never been one to go with the flow or do things to fit in with people. I’ve always walked to the beat of my own drum, so why is it now starting to bug me? Jealousy is a bitter pill to swallow and dang it, I have enough pills to swallow everyday!
 
I’m not going to find any bit of identity with the survivor crowd, or the word. I need to move on and forge a path of my own, like I’ve done so many times before. I still have hopes and dreams, they might just have to be fast tracked to keep up with me. I don't need a label, but more like a title. A bit of a warning of what to expect. May I introduce you to your breast cancer WARRIOR. I might have been dealt a shit hand, but I will place my bet and play on to the next round. There will be moments that I will cry, but I will keep on this journey. Even on days that are an uphill battle, I will fight the good fight and never give up.

It’s interesting how a celebrity’s passing can affect us. When Olivia Newton-John passed away 2 months into my breast cancer fight, I was devastated. I absolutely loved her. I looked up to her growing up and had wanted to be just like her when I got older. I remember her battling breast cancer in the 1990’s. She fought it so graciously. I figured if she could do it, so could I. Then the news of Suzanne Somers passing broke in October of 2023, and I was stunned. I was about six months into my new battle of breast cancer going wild through out my body. I had finally found a chemo that was working and keeping things under control. I took solace in the fact that she was able to go into remission multiple times and kept up a good fight over the years.
 
For whatever reason, the news of Toby Keith’s passing had me in tears. He had just wrapped up a series of concerts in Las Vegas that past December. He seemed so strong. My heart broke when I heard that he was gone. It made me really realize that just because you look good on the outside, it isn’t always the truth. I will admit that I hate hearing from people how good I look. Makeup does wonders my friends! Half of the time that I’m looking good, I’m really feeling like crap and surviving on steroids, anti-anxiety meds and anti-nausea pills.
 
A week after learning of Toby Keith’s passing, I had what felt like my millionth PET scan. The staff at the cancer center are truly a gem. We spent my time there talking about books and what series I should binge watch next. I have gotten to be so relaxed during the scan that I now take a nap during it. Good thing they strap me to the table. LOL The results were released very quickly after the scan was done. I looked them over and was able to determine that everything seemed to be holding steady. One shining moment was the tumor on my lung has shrunk a bit more. Yippee!!
 
The next day I went to meet with my new chemo doc and go over the scan and my history. I was so nervous! I felt like I was going on a first date. What was on the schedule as a half hour appointment ended up lasting an hour and a half. Now don’t get me wrong… I love my old doc, but my new one feels like a breath of fresh air. She is very clinical, but personable. The best part is that not only does she specialize in breast cancer, but breast cancer that has metastasized to the brain. While we were chatting, she broke the news that the chemo I’m on has a tendency to stop working after approximately 8 - 12 months of treatment. We still have some time before we should see the decline, but she didn’t want me to be shocked when it happens. Also, now is a good time to look at alternative treatment options and possible clinical trials. She is a firm believer in having some sort of plan set out ahead of time. A woman after my own heart.
 
I then asked the question that I, and everyone I know, have been avoiding. My mortality is starting to become the elephant in the room. Nobody wants to talk about it, but everyone is thinking of it. Do I have an expiration date? She made a promise then to never lie to me… I probably only have a few years left. I had a feeling that she was going to say something like that, but it still hit me hard. Nobody thinks that they are going to get cancer, let alone die from it. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer it was just suppose supposed to be just a slight detour on my life adventure. But my body never got a break. I never went into remission. I will need some form of chemotherapy to keep on living. It absolutely sucks, but I will do what I have to do to stick around.
 
I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I really wish I knew what this reason was right now.  When I figure it out I’ll let you know. Until then I’ll just keep fighting the good fight.
​

I don’t know about you all, but January just flew by! Being home all the time has the days starting to blur. I was ordering something on Amazon yesterday and was upset that I wouldn’t get the item until February. I then realized that the next day would be February, so my wait wasn’t all that long. Thank goodness I have so many appointments during the week. Without them I might not realize it’s Taco Tuesday.
 
I wrapped up January by doing two rounds of radiation for the spots on my brain. Each session took about 20 minutes. Before the radiation sessions could start a new mask had to be made. I feel like with each procedure or test that I have to do I am thanking my lucky stars that I am not claustrophobic. The mask is made from a slightly soft moldable plastic mesh that has an opening large enough for my eyes and nose. That’s it. There are markers on the mask that line up with lasers in the room so that the radiation will only hit the spot it needs to. Once the mask was made, mapping for the surgery had to be completed. That took about a week or so for them to do. The first spot that they targeted was on the left, top side of my brain. The day after the procedure I was zonked! I completely forgot that one of the side effects is tiredness. I slept on and off throughout the day and woke up the next day feeling a bit better and ready to tackle another round. The second round was a bit more intense, but I didn’t know until we were done. This spot was located behind my right eyebrow and was attached to the inside of my skull as well as my brain. The mapping that they did had to be very precise and avoid hitting the optic nerve. The one thing that I learned about radiation is that you need to stay as still as possible. According to the techs, once I was on the table with the mask on I didn’t move a millimeter, making the sessions go smoothly and super-fast. After the second round was done I met with the radiation doc. I was asked a handful of times if I had a headache, and I didn’t. If a headache did develop and wouldn’t go away I would need to do a short round of steroids.  The next day I was zonked again and had a slight headache. The headache responded to Tylenol and rest, so that it what I did. The day after I had radiation, I did chemo. It was also one of my girlfriend’s birthday, and we helped her celebrate. The day after that was one of my niece’s birthday, so we helped her celebrate too! Thank goodness for the steroids they give me during chemo, cause I was certainly partying like a rockstar.
 
Now while all of this was going on I was still dealing with lymphedema and physical therapy sessions, to get it under control. My physical therapist is AMAZING. She has noticed things before they cause any major issues and has been able to help heal things just off of me going “it feels like my shoulder is clicking and it hurts to put my hand in my back pocket”. Apparently, these are the beginning signs of a frozen shoulder. Women who are in menopause can also have issues with a frozen shoulder or two. Oh, and women that are doing chemo and have been forced into menopause also have a higher risk of dealing with frozen shoulder. Great… no, really… awesome. With a bit of therapy and exercise we got it under control. Then I did another round of chemo and both of my shoulders flared. This is my off week from chemo and instead of feeling like I’m on holiday, I’m fighting back tears from the pain of doing simple things, like putting on my seatbelt in the car and lifting up my mug of tea. Heck even taking off my sweatshirt has me cursing up a storm. We hope with the stretching exercises and not doing chemo this week, my shoulders will relax a bit and the pain will die down. Chemo will start again in a week, and I really hope dealing with the beginning of frozen shoulders is not my new normal. The positive bit to doing all this physical therapy is my arm is finally becoming less swollen from the lymphedema! The hope is to start building my strength back soon. Being a lefty and not having the strength and mobility that I’m used to is a big bummer.
 
This February brings a bit of a fresh start for me. My oncologist, who has been through every step of this adventure with me, is taking a leave of absence to take care of her mother. I will miss her tremendously, but I completely understand her reasoning. I’m also looking forward to meeting and working with my new doc. She specializes in breast cancer and has consulted on my case in the past, so she isn’t walking in not knowing anything about me. I will also do another PET scan the day before her and I meet. Hopefully the scan will bring good news. I will also do another Brain MRI this month. The radiation doc wants to keep a close eye on the one spot that wasn’t large enough to be treated. It would be nice if the spot would shrink instead of grow, but if it does grow, she wants to zap it as soon as it is big enough. Here's hoping that my fresh start will bring good news.

​The end of another year calls for some reflection. I went back and read some of my previous blog posts. Dang! I really need to spend more time proof reading before I post. LOL Consider my errors your evidence that each post is written by a human and not some bot. While the dates on the posts and the calendar say that it has been a year, some of it feels like a lifetime ago. As I look back, it was certainly fitting that I chose Believe to be my word for the year. There were days, heck, more like months, when I had to lean heavily into it.
 
I ended 2023 with one last PET scan and Brain MRI. The thought of both brought a bit of anxiety. I tried not to think about the PET scan I had the same time last year. No one anticipated the news it brought of a new tumor in my left breast. I tried to believe that the great results for the last scan would hold over to this one, but it was hard. Thankfully the results did bring good news. Everything was stable. None of the tumors that were left had grown. The spots in my bones that had cancer still showed no sign of cancer at all. The other spots that had disappeared on the last scan were still gone and didn’t show any signs of returning. The tumor on my lung was still there, and the level of cancer activity was the same. The chemo doc said that this was a win, so I’ll take it. Trodelvy, the chemo that I am currently on, is working, so we will keep going on with it. Now that I am completely off the steroids, I do have a bad day with it, but it’s something I can handle. I just need to think of it as a day to binge watch TV and become one with the couch.
 
Next up was the Brain MRI. I was a bit more worried going into this one. My vision had started to be a bit fuzzy when on the computer or reading and my first thought was that a new tumor had popped up on my brain and was the cause of the fuzzy vision. The docs were great and told me that it most likely wasn’t a new tumor, but my body adjusting to not having the steroids in my system 24/7 and most likely old age. Phst! Who are they calling old??? Ha! The MRI went on like clockwork with the hardest part being waiting for the results and chatting with the doc to decipher them. I will say that I’ve gotten pretty good at figuring out what the written report means. When the report was posted to my chart, I didn’t hesitate to read it. Gulp… if I’m reading it right, it sounds like a mixed bag of results. I then took a deep breath and decided to do my best not to think about it and wait to hear from the doc. The good thing is my docs knows me pretty well by now and knew that I was going to read it. A short time later, on New Year’s Eve, I received a message from her about the results. I was right… it is a mixed bag of results. The good news is that the large spots that were treated earlier with radiation are still shrinking. This means that the chemo is doing more that we thought it would. Yippee for that! The bad news is that 3 of the micro-spots on the brain have grown. 2 of the 3 spots are large enough to treat. Because the spots are still very small a different radiation procedure, called radiosurgery, will be used. It should have less side effects and is more detailed in the targeting,​

Now that all the results are in, it is time to figure out what word would help guide me through the year. This really didn’t take to long for me to figure out. My word for 2024 is PERSIST. Believe will always be an underlying theme for me, but it is time to kick it up a notch. I have no plans on lying down and letting cancer win. I still have things to do, people to meet and places to go. The only way that I can do that is to fight for what I want. Persistence pays off. I will keep fighting cancer will all the might that I have. ​

​The month of November just flew past me this year. The good news is that I got the results of my brain MRI back. The large spots that we hit with radiation were significantly smaller and some of the micro spots had disappeared! Yahoo!!! Everything is working like it should.
 
November brought an increase in the dose of chemo I was receiving. The first increase from 70 to 75 percent went off without a hitch. I had no clue that it was increased and had to ask. I figured that if that increase went so well, the next one would be just as easy. Whoops… I was wrong. The last few days I have felt like I’ve been hit by a truck and my appetite is gone. It will subside in the next day or so and my doc will put my next dose back at 75 percent. Hopefully that will put an end to feeling like crap.
 
November also brought my final dose of steroids, but not before I got another case of thrush. Another round of antibiotics and I’m back in the clear. I do wonder if being on steroids is what made the chemo so tolerable. I guess we will find out this week after I do another dose.
 
November also took me to the emergency room again. The past few months I have been dealing with possible cellulitis on my left side that I have also been dealing with lymphedema. Apparently, it is a common side effect to lymphedema. I did a round of antibiotics back in October that we thought cleared things up. Would my body want to cooperate with my life plans, of course not. The week before Thanksgiving I started to show signs of the infection coming back, so back to the doc I went. I was given another round of meds hoping we caught it early and it wouldn’t change my plans for Thanksgiving week. The antibiotics kept the infection from spreading and I got to live my life according to plan. The minute I was done with the antibiotics my body decided to stop following the rules and the cellulitis came back with vengeance. The doc took one look at it and sent me off to the emergency room for some IV antibiotics. Note to everyone, do not go to the emergency room the Monday after Thanksgiving. It was a mad house. After a two hour wait, I was finally brought back to see a doc. Now this doc had his own idea of what was wrong and how to handle it all. He decided that I didn’t need IV meds, but that he would give me more pills to take “just in case it is an infection”. I was not happy with his decision, but also didn’t have the energy to argue with him. I took the pills and left, praying that they would work, and I wouldn’t end up back in the ER. The antibiotics wreaked havoc on my gut and gave me massive heartburn, but they worked. I really wanted to call the doc in the ER and tell him that I was right, but I didn’t. Now that the cellulitis is cleared my physical therapist can really work on reducing the swelling in my due to the lymphedema. I can’t wait for the day that my arms are the same size, and I don’t look like an amateur body builder on the left side.
 
The highlight of November was my sister and nephew coming for a visit from England the week of Thanksgiving. See, I told you I had big plans. We all only had a week together, but we had a blast during that time. I was so excited that I could keep up with everyone. Heck, I even tied for second place playing pee-wee golf. It was also nice just to be able to just sit and chat and have some old-fashioned family fun. Their time here was too short, but here’s hoping we will be able to meet up again soon.
 
I have another PET scan scheduled for later in December. I’m trying not to think too much about it, but it’s hard. I know that I have no control over the cancer, but my brain always seems to find a way to go to a dark place and think the worst. Here’s hoping that my most favorite time of year will keep me in my happy spot.

Mid-October found me at the Cancer Center for my PET scan once again. I have spent so much time there in the last year, most of the staff know me by name. Some might see it as a bad thing, but I prefer to see it as a good thing. Kind of like visiting old friends and I don’t have to explain the laundry list of issues I have. When I scheduled my appointment this time around, I was smart. I made sure to have the PET scan the day before the appointment that I had already scheduled with my chemo doc. I knew that my heart and my nerves could not handle waiting days to see her to go over the results. This was the best decision ever. The scan went off without a hitch and I had barely 24 hours to wait, and over think what could happen.
 
At the past few chemo doc appointments to go over the PET scan results I had the hubs come with me. Unfortunately, this time he was busy with work and couldn’t get away to come with me. I decided that I would go by myself to the appointment. My thought was if I went alone, I would get better news. The morning of the appointment I also decided to put on a full face of make-up. If I’m wearing make-up I won’t cry, so they will have to give me good news, right?! Then I put on my new tee-shirt that arrived in the mail from a mystery sender that reads, “Fighting cancer, going through chemo and still this sexy” hoping everyone in the office would get a good laugh. Even my ipod got the memo, and played positive, kicking butt songs. I got to the doctor’s office and a little voice said, “What if it isn’t good news?” but I quickly squashed that. There was no way that I’m feeling this good and not getting good new too.
 
I was quickly brought back to a room and the waiting for the doc began. Thankfully she wasn’t running too far off schedule and appeared before I knew it. As the door opened I held my breath. The first thing she said was, “You can tell your husband that for the first time in a long time I won’t make you cry”. I then let out a massive sigh of relief followed by laughter. Oh, my goodness, this must mean the chemo is working! The chemo doc started going over the results, and I will admit that I had her repeat part of it cause I didn’t believe it the first time she said it. The spots on my liver that was found in May are gone, the spot on my adrenal gland that was found in August is gone, and the spots on my spine and hip are showing no signs of active cancer. But wait! There’s more! The tumor on my lung had shrunk a bit, but the potency level of the cancer had reduced by half. I was so happy and in disbelief at the same time. There was one lymph node that was slightly inflamed, but it could be from my arm being swollen from the lymphedema. They will keep their eye on it, but they weren’t concerned.
 
Once the good news sunk in a bit, next steps were discussed. I will continue on Trodelvy, the lovely, magical chemo that has brought me good news, for as long as my body can handle it. The goal, as time goes on, is to increase my “off weeks” from my current 2 weeks on, 1 week off, to 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off and then hopefully 3 weeks off. Before we get to that point, we decided to slightly increase the dose that I am receiving. The first dose that I did was 100% of the manufacturer’s recommendations. As you might remember, it made me super sick. The next dose, and the remainder doses that I have done, have been 70% of what was recommended. I have been feeling great, almost normalish since the reduction. The doc and I agreed to see how I would feel with an increase of 5%, making the dose 75% of the recommended amount. The main goal with the increase is to hopefully reduce the size of the tumor on my lung. If we can get it small enough, we can then hit it with radiation and hopefully make it go away. Once we can get it to where there are no new or active cancer spots we can start adding in more off time. I am all for less time at the Cancer Center and more time living life, so I’m up for trying the dose at 75%. If all goes well, I might even be down for upping it to 80%. The major plus side is I am in such a better place, physically and mentally, than when I first started Trodelvy, that I think I can handle these little increases. The major bonus is I know that we can always go back to 70% and be just fine.
 
Now, I know you all are asking, “What about the spots on your brain?” Well, I don’t know about them just yet. The PET scan is not the best tool for showing the details of what is going on with cancer on the brain, so I have a MRI scheduled for the beginning of November to fill us in. I had been taking steroids to help with the swelling/inflammation of the brain and have been slowly weaning myself off of them the last month. Since I haven’t started having headaches or vision problems, the hope is the multiple micro spots are still micro size. The other hope is that since Trodelvy is one of the handful chemotherapies that can cross over the threshold into the brain, it is working some magic there too. Keep your fingers crossed!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I am fully embracing the pink. Pink outfits, pink pumpkins, and pink nails. Heck, I might even get some pink hair! I want the world to know that I, and many others, are fighters and will do whatever it takes to win this war. I could not fight as hard as I am without the support of loved ones. So, thank you for being there and wearing pink alongside me.
 
The month started off with a bit of good news for me. My blood work has improved! The chemo doc reached out to let me know how happy she was with the numbers. My red and white blood cells still need a little help with meds, but my liver results are coming back normal! Yippee!! The hope is that the little tumors that were hanging out on my liver are almost gone. Fingers crossed!
 
October also has me starting to physically feel good… dare I even say, normalish. I’m able to get back into a bit of a routine and do normal things. After months of barely being able to get off the couch, this is a welcome change. Getting back to 100% won’t happen overnight, but I will keep pushing on, one day at a time. Right now, I will take what little bit of normal I have. It has been nice going out shopping, driving, and seeing friends. When I finished radiation, I was advised to use a cane because I was unsteady on my feet. The docs were afraid that if I fell, I would break a bone or two because of the cancer now being in my bones. So, I got a pink cane to help me get around. Now, I’m feeling strong enough to leave it at home for most trips out. If I know it will be an uneven path or a long journey, I’ll bring it along, but for most of my adventures it stays home now.
 
As with anything, there have been a few bumps in the road. I knew that it was a possibility after I finished radiation that I could lose the hair that was in the target zone. To be honest, I really didn’t even think that it would happen. You must imagine the surprise I had when I woke up 2 days after treatment to clumps of hair falling out in the shower. Once I put two and two together, I just laughed, ‘cause there is nothing else one can do. Well, my hair is still falling out now and I’m not laughing so much anymore. I mentioned it to the nurse at one of my chemo appointments, so she looked up the side effects of the new chemo to see if that could be the cause as well. Apparently, a small percentage of the people that have been on this chemo experience hair thinning/loss. Yep… if it’s a rare side effect, I’m going to get it. I will say the fact that I don’t have to worry about shaving my legs is a plus. The rate of hair loss has slowed, which is good. It’s just a bit sad that I went from a really nice full head of hair to a really nice thinning head of hair, with a few bald spots. It’s a good thing I look good in a hat.
 
A few days after my hair started falling out I noticed that my left arm was a bit puffy. My first thought was, what the heck did I do? I have a bit of a history of being a klutz, so really didn’t think too much about it. It wasn’t until my sister was over visiting and noticed that my elbow and upper arm were huge compared to the right side that made me start really thinking about what was going on. Then it dawned (haha) on me, lymphedema! The last PET scan showed that a few of the lymph nodes had signs of cancer, so maybe they were clogged? I had a video call with the chemo doc the next day, so I asked if it was possible and showed her my arm. Her answer was yes. Time to take out the compression sleeve that I was given months ago, and she ordered physical therapy to get things back to normal. What sucks is that there is a shortage of physical therapists so, it has taken over a month for me to get an appointment. I finally got in this last week and have appointments lined up through the end of the year.
 
Another bummer is that I have been on steroids since they found the tumors on my brain. The steroids are to help keep any inflammation down and let the radiation do its thing. Is my recent boost in energy and productiveness a side effect? Probably, but I’ll take it. The downside is I’m wide awake some nights at 3am and can’t go back to sleep if you paid me, and my face has gotten really puffy. I look like a chipmuck! I’m in the process of tapering off the steroids and should be done with them in a month or so. Hopefully my energy level will stay the same, and the puffiness of my face will not.
 
As if the puffy face from the steroids wasn’t enough, I also ended up with thrush. The problem is that I had no clue I had it for the last few weeks. I have been dealing with dry mouth at night, which is a common side effect with various chemotherapies, so I just figured the odd coating of my mouth that I also had was part of it. Nope, apparently not. At my follow up appointment with the radiation doc this last week she asked if I showed any signs of thrush, and I just gave her a puzzled look. She then described exactly what I have been dealing with and I burst out laughing. Here I thought I had to just suck it up and deal with a weird chemo side effect. She prescribed me an antibiotic and almost instantly it started working. Hallelujah!
 
As the seasons change, I reminded myself that now is the time to push for big ticket insurance items to get done and billed by December 31. I hit my out-of-pocket max way back in February, so everything since then has been covered by insurance, but not billed to me. The docs agreed with me and there is a PET scan and brain MRI scheduled for the end of the month and another of each tentatively scheduled for December, if needed. With how good I have been feeling, I am cautiously optimistic going in for these tests. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I will be crossing my fingers and saying a few prayers in the meantime.​

The last few weeks have been a bit crazy. I unfortunately wasn’t able to do another dose of chemo before my scan, but that was probably for the best. The scan happened like normal on Friday, but I wasn’t scheduled to talk to the doc about it until Tuesday. It doesn’t seem like such a long time, until you are the one waiting for news. Friday afternoon I received a call from the doctor’s office letting me know that the doc had reviewed the results and decided to cancel the chemo session that was scheduled for Monday. The nurse couldn’t really give me much info as to why, just that the scan had good and not so good results. So the waiting started…
 
Finally, Tuesday arrived. Let’s start with the good news… The tumor on my lung, as well as the spots on my liver had shrunk. Yippee! At least the torture from the chemo did some good. Now for the bad news… The cancer has spread further into my spine and hips, as well as a new spot has formed on my adrenal gland. Then the whammy came. The scan showed a shadow on my brain that showed signs of being cancer, but a brain MRI would be needed to make sure. Wow, was not expecting that.
 
A new game plan had to be made. To start I would do a massive round of radiation on my lower back and hips to kill off the cancer and help manage the pain. The session took about 20 minutes to complete. The negative of it all is that my pain would increase before it would decrease. To make matters worse I had to argue with the pharmacy to get the new pain meds ready that night. They were concerned about the amount of controlled pain medication that I have received over the last few weeks. Finally, after talking to the doctor, they realized that they all worked in different ways. For about 3 days I was religiously taking the meds on time, then was able to slowly decrease the amount I was taking. Now I only really need them on days that I overdo it.
 
Next step was a brain MRI with contrast to see if there was cancer present. The day of the appointment was a bit of a comedy of errors. The appointment was early in the morning, and I completely forgot to set the alarm. My mom was taking me to the appointment and thank goodness she arrived early. I had 10 minutes to get up, get dressed and out the door. Good thing I didn’t need to dress to impress. I was pretty weak that morning, as I was still in pain from the radiation session, so the staff was nice enough to push me around in a wheelchair. The MRI went as expected. My doc promised to call that afternoon with the results, so I wasn’t stuck waiting again. I had a feeling that she was going to say that the cancer had shown on the MRI so I was a bit prepared. I wasn’t prepared for the news that there were 15 spots on my brain. Only 3 of the 15 were large enough to be treated by radiation. The remaining 12 will be under watch to see if they grow or not.
 
Now while they were trying to figure out the radiation schedule, the docs decided to squeeze in a round of the new chemo. I didn’t worry too much about it, but I probably should have. This chemo is really not my friend. It made me so sick. The anti-nausea pills became my BFF and even then, they didn’t always work. Finally, the chemo worked its way out of my system, just in time to start radiation. The day that I arrived to do the simulation for radiation I was extremely dehydrated. The doctor postponed the simulation and sent me over to get pumped full of hydration. My port then started having issues. Anytime it is accessed they should be able to get a blood return out of it. Sometimes a clot happens, and they have to treat it with some chemical stuff that they leave in overnight. Since the simulation was postponed until the next day, they did the chemical treatment and scheduled another hydration session for before the simulation. When I arrived the next day, my port did everything that it needed to do, and I got some more fluids. I didn’t realize how dehydrated I was until then. I felt so much better.
 
Now to do the simulation. First up was making a mask to keep my head in the same position for the entire procedure. It’s a good thing that I’m not claustrophobic because this mask was a tight fit. Once the mask was molded to my face, they ran the simulation. The results were then sent off to the technicians to make sure everything was lined up. There were a few days lag time between the simulation, and it being finalized, but I was glad for the time to keep building my strength. I ended up having to do two 20-minute radiation sessions. They didn’t cause any pain, just tiredness, so I have an excuse for taking a nap. I am glad to say that radiation is over for now and I have a few days to relax.
 
I met with the chemo doctor again this Monday. She decided it would be best to reduce the amount of chemo due to how sick I was. She also added more anti-nausea meds to the mix, as well as putting me on the stand-by list for hydration if needed. My lab work came back good, so I was able to do chemo on Tuesday. Hopefully all the pre-meds that we added will help keep things smooth sailing. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

The return of cancer meant that all plans I had made for this summer were thrown out the window. To say the least, I was heartbroken. I already had to cancel my plans for summer of 2022, to have to do it again just wasn’t fair! Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that we caught the new tumors earlyish and that there is a treatment plan, but a girl would like to have a break from it all.
 
July was supposed to be my month of starting over. July was the month I could finally have the reconstruction surgery done and I could finally start to feel normal again. I had done all the research on the different types of reconstruction that could be done, met with the surgeon, scheduled all the appointments needed to do the surgery, heck, I even bought the items I would need during recovery. When my chemo doc broke the news that I couldn’t do the surgery while I was on chemo, my heart fell through the floor. Reconstruction is now on the backburner until who knows when. Fingers crossed that it will happen sometime in the future.
 
With my new summer plans made, I moved forward. After four rounds of chemo, my body went on strike. My red and white blood cells numbers dropped dangerously low. My chemo doc called late Friday afternoon to chat about next steps. She was surprised at how well I sounded; I told her that sometimes you fake it until you make it. She then laid out the plan for the next week, more blood work and most likely a blood transfusion. After a low-key weekend, I went in on Monday and did blood work. All day Monday it felt like I was walking through quicksand, so I had a feeling my numbers weren’t going to be good. My intuition was right. The doctor’s office called me Tuesday morning to let me know that my numbers dropped even more so we would need to do the transfusion. The center that would do the transfusion had an opening Wednesday that they were holding for me. I will say that I was nervous about the procedure, but the care team there made me feel at ease. I ended up getting two units of blood, which meant I was there for 5 hours. They had beverages and snacks, so the time flew by. When I left I had a bit of color back to my face and hope for the days ahead.
 
I woke up on Friday feeling like a new person. I was energized and renewed. I felt like the old me, almost. This was good news. You see, a few weeks before I mentioned to the hubs that we should celebrate my birthday. We hadn’t done anything really in 2022, and I needed to celebrate something. I was so worried that the transfusion wouldn’t work and we would have to cancel, but the cards were in my favor. It was so nice to get out and see everyone and forget about my worries for a bit.
 
I was hopeful that since I was feeling so great it would mean that I would get back on schedule with chemo. Yes, you read that right. I’m wanting to do chemo. If it is going to kick the cancer out, I’m all for it. Unfortunately, my platelet count was really low, so it wasn’t safe to start chemo. The doc ordered another week off, with hopes that will give me time for my body to fix itself. So I spent the week taking it easy – napping when I needed it, eating half a bag of Cheetos in one sitting and watching mindless TV. Friday came faster than I thought it would and I went in to have more blood work done. The results wouldn’t come in until Friday evening/Saturday morning, so I knew that the decision about chemo wouldn’t be made until Monday morning.
 
I results of the tests are posted online, so that gives me some time to do a bit of armchair quarterbacking. My platelets were up (yahoo!), but my white blood cells dropped (boo!). I couldn’t remember what the cut off number was, so I spent the weekend hoping I was just above the cut off number. My question was answered Monday morning when the doctor’s office called; I was too low for chemo. I asked what the cut off was and was told the bare minimum that they will do chemo is 1.4, my number was .4. Way off! So I get another week off. They only plus side is that will all the time off, my taste buds are almost back to normal and I’m cooking again. Hopefully that will help out my white blood cells a bit. Blood work will be done again on Friday. Here’s hoping that everything will finally be good enough for chemo.
 
Next week is an important week. Monday I will hopefully do chemo, but more importantly it’s the hubs birthday. I can’t wait to celebrate him. Also, next Friday I have scheduled another PET scan to see how much the chemo has worked. We had hoped to have 6 doses of chemo done, but we will have to settle for hopefully 5. I’m trying to not let my nerves get the best of me, but it’s hard. I’ll be saying multiple prayers until the results are back. Maybe you could say one too?