Believe in 2023

​To say that 2022 ended with a bang and 2023 has had a rocky start is a bit of an understatement. Having 12 hours to wrap my head around having a mastectomy was a lot. To be honest, I think I’m still processing everything that happened. The pathology reports for the new tumor finally came back. It is triple negative, which is a change from the first tumor which was slightly estrogen positive. It was extremely aggressive, with a reproduction rate of 80 – 90%. Having the mastectomy was the right thing to do.

I was also the topic of tumor/cancer board a few more times. I guess it’s true that people will always talk about boobs. LOL Before they knew what type of cancer the tumor was, it was thought that I would do more chemo before radiation. With the realization of the tumor being triple negative, it was decided that starting with radiation was my best bet. When radiation is done I will get a few weeks to recover and then I will begin the oral chemo for 6 months. As you know by now, I’m all about having a plan, so knowing what the future should look like gave me a bit of comfort.

After the surgery I decided to focus on resetting my mind and doing a bit of internal healing. My body looks so different, and I am still working on accepting it. The amount of reading that I have done is insane. I have tried to balance my murder/mystery novels with a bit of self-love and a touch of what to expect when dealing with triple negative cancer. The one thing that came up due to the time of year, is picking a word to guide you through the year. I’ve read about it before and just racked it up to some “new age” thing and just didn’t need. Hmmm… maybe I do?

So, I did a bit of a deep dive into it. People choose a word that will be their life theme for the year. They use it as their compass on how to approach the highs and low that will come at them in the year. It is in essence what they are striving for and hopefully will push them towards a personal growth that will improve their life.
Oh what the heck! Let’s play. Since I am still new to picking a word I checked out Pinterest to see what everyone else was doing. Growth was at the top of the list. Nope… not going to pick that one.  My body had done enough “growing” to last a lifetime. Change came up next. Ehhh… I’ve had 6 months of change, not sure If I can do a whole year of that being the focus. Dang… this is harder that it looks. Then I found a quick questionnaire that should help. Here are the questions and my answers.

1. Complete the sentence. During the past year, I felt that I was _______. Write down 1 – 3 words.
My answer was frustrated, overwhelmed and disappointed.

2. How do you want to feel on the 31st of December? Be as descriptive as possible.
My answer was: I want to know that everything that was possible to be done to keep me cancer free and living a happy life was done. I want to know that I am on the right path and will have many more years to come.

3. Write down a few words that come to your mind that you think should set the theme for the new year based on the answers you wrote.
Positivity, success, believe, strong, conquer Hmmm… Believe sounds good.

I believe that I will beat cancer. I believe that the doctors will pick the right path of treatment for me. I believe that it will all work out in the end. I believe that I will always be a “kick-ass chick” no matter what the struggle.

​Just like that, my path for 2023 was chosen. I will believe in the good, I will believe that I am a warrior, and I will believe in tomorrow.