​Cruel Summer

The return of cancer meant that all plans I had made for this summer were thrown out the window. To say the least, I was heartbroken. I already had to cancel my plans for summer of 2022, to have to do it again just wasn’t fair! Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that we caught the new tumors earlyish and that there is a treatment plan, but a girl would like to have a break from it all.
 
July was supposed to be my month of starting over. July was the month I could finally have the reconstruction surgery done and I could finally start to feel normal again. I had done all the research on the different types of reconstruction that could be done, met with the surgeon, scheduled all the appointments needed to do the surgery, heck, I even bought the items I would need during recovery. When my chemo doc broke the news that I couldn’t do the surgery while I was on chemo, my heart fell through the floor. Reconstruction is now on the backburner until who knows when. Fingers crossed that it will happen sometime in the future.
 
With my new summer plans made, I moved forward. After four rounds of chemo, my body went on strike. My red and white blood cells numbers dropped dangerously low. My chemo doc called late Friday afternoon to chat about next steps. She was surprised at how well I sounded; I told her that sometimes you fake it until you make it. She then laid out the plan for the next week, more blood work and most likely a blood transfusion. After a low-key weekend, I went in on Monday and did blood work. All day Monday it felt like I was walking through quicksand, so I had a feeling my numbers weren’t going to be good. My intuition was right. The doctor’s office called me Tuesday morning to let me know that my numbers dropped even more so we would need to do the transfusion. The center that would do the transfusion had an opening Wednesday that they were holding for me. I will say that I was nervous about the procedure, but the care team there made me feel at ease. I ended up getting two units of blood, which meant I was there for 5 hours. They had beverages and snacks, so the time flew by. When I left I had a bit of color back to my face and hope for the days ahead.
 
I woke up on Friday feeling like a new person. I was energized and renewed. I felt like the old me, almost. This was good news. You see, a few weeks before I mentioned to the hubs that we should celebrate my birthday. We hadn’t done anything really in 2022, and I needed to celebrate something. I was so worried that the transfusion wouldn’t work and we would have to cancel, but the cards were in my favor. It was so nice to get out and see everyone and forget about my worries for a bit.
 
I was hopeful that since I was feeling so great it would mean that I would get back on schedule with chemo. Yes, you read that right. I’m wanting to do chemo. If it is going to kick the cancer out, I’m all for it. Unfortunately, my platelet count was really low, so it wasn’t safe to start chemo. The doc ordered another week off, with hopes that will give me time for my body to fix itself. So I spent the week taking it easy – napping when I needed it, eating half a bag of Cheetos in one sitting and watching mindless TV. Friday came faster than I thought it would and I went in to have more blood work done. The results wouldn’t come in until Friday evening/Saturday morning, so I knew that the decision about chemo wouldn’t be made until Monday morning.
 
I results of the tests are posted online, so that gives me some time to do a bit of armchair quarterbacking. My platelets were up (yahoo!), but my white blood cells dropped (boo!). I couldn’t remember what the cut off number was, so I spent the weekend hoping I was just above the cut off number. My question was answered Monday morning when the doctor’s office called; I was too low for chemo. I asked what the cut off was and was told the bare minimum that they will do chemo is 1.4, my number was .4. Way off! So I get another week off. They only plus side is that will all the time off, my taste buds are almost back to normal and I’m cooking again. Hopefully that will help out my white blood cells a bit. Blood work will be done again on Friday. Here’s hoping that everything will finally be good enough for chemo.
 
Next week is an important week. Monday I will hopefully do chemo, but more importantly it’s the hubs birthday. I can’t wait to celebrate him. Also, next Friday I have scheduled another PET scan to see how much the chemo has worked. We had hoped to have 6 doses of chemo done, but we will have to settle for hopefully 5. I’m trying to not let my nerves get the best of me, but it’s hard. I’ll be saying multiple prayers until the results are back. Maybe you could say one too?