I don’t know about you all, but January just flew by! Being home all the time has the days starting to blur. I was ordering something on Amazon yesterday and was upset that I wouldn’t get the item until February. I then realized that the next day would be February, so my wait wasn’t all that long. Thank goodness I have so many appointments during the week. Without them I might not realize it’s Taco Tuesday.
 
I wrapped up January by doing two rounds of radiation for the spots on my brain. Each session took about 20 minutes. Before the radiation sessions could start a new mask had to be made. I feel like with each procedure or test that I have to do I am thanking my lucky stars that I am not claustrophobic. The mask is made from a slightly soft moldable plastic mesh that has an opening large enough for my eyes and nose. That’s it. There are markers on the mask that line up with lasers in the room so that the radiation will only hit the spot it needs to. Once the mask was made, mapping for the surgery had to be completed. That took about a week or so for them to do. The first spot that they targeted was on the left, top side of my brain. The day after the procedure I was zonked! I completely forgot that one of the side effects is tiredness. I slept on and off throughout the day and woke up the next day feeling a bit better and ready to tackle another round. The second round was a bit more intense, but I didn’t know until we were done. This spot was located behind my right eyebrow and was attached to the inside of my skull as well as my brain. The mapping that they did had to be very precise and avoid hitting the optic nerve. The one thing that I learned about radiation is that you need to stay as still as possible. According to the techs, once I was on the table with the mask on I didn’t move a millimeter, making the sessions go smoothly and super-fast. After the second round was done I met with the radiation doc. I was asked a handful of times if I had a headache, and I didn’t. If a headache did develop and wouldn’t go away I would need to do a short round of steroids.  The next day I was zonked again and had a slight headache. The headache responded to Tylenol and rest, so that it what I did. The day after I had radiation, I did chemo. It was also one of my girlfriend’s birthday, and we helped her celebrate. The day after that was one of my niece’s birthday, so we helped her celebrate too! Thank goodness for the steroids they give me during chemo, cause I was certainly partying like a rockstar.
 
Now while all of this was going on I was still dealing with lymphedema and physical therapy sessions, to get it under control. My physical therapist is AMAZING. She has noticed things before they cause any major issues and has been able to help heal things just off of me going “it feels like my shoulder is clicking and it hurts to put my hand in my back pocket”. Apparently, these are the beginning signs of a frozen shoulder. Women who are in menopause can also have issues with a frozen shoulder or two. Oh, and women that are doing chemo and have been forced into menopause also have a higher risk of dealing with frozen shoulder. Great… no, really… awesome. With a bit of therapy and exercise we got it under control. Then I did another round of chemo and both of my shoulders flared. This is my off week from chemo and instead of feeling like I’m on holiday, I’m fighting back tears from the pain of doing simple things, like putting on my seatbelt in the car and lifting up my mug of tea. Heck even taking off my sweatshirt has me cursing up a storm. We hope with the stretching exercises and not doing chemo this week, my shoulders will relax a bit and the pain will die down. Chemo will start again in a week, and I really hope dealing with the beginning of frozen shoulders is not my new normal. The positive bit to doing all this physical therapy is my arm is finally becoming less swollen from the lymphedema! The hope is to start building my strength back soon. Being a lefty and not having the strength and mobility that I’m used to is a big bummer.
 
This February brings a bit of a fresh start for me. My oncologist, who has been through every step of this adventure with me, is taking a leave of absence to take care of her mother. I will miss her tremendously, but I completely understand her reasoning. I’m also looking forward to meeting and working with my new doc. She specializes in breast cancer and has consulted on my case in the past, so she isn’t walking in not knowing anything about me. I will also do another PET scan the day before her and I meet. Hopefully the scan will bring good news. I will also do another Brain MRI this month. The radiation doc wants to keep a close eye on the one spot that wasn’t large enough to be treated. It would be nice if the spot would shrink instead of grow, but if it does grow, she wants to zap it as soon as it is big enough. Here's hoping that my fresh start will bring good news.

​The end of another year calls for some reflection. I went back and read some of my previous blog posts. Dang! I really need to spend more time proof reading before I post. LOL Consider my errors your evidence that each post is written by a human and not some bot. While the dates on the posts and the calendar say that it has been a year, some of it feels like a lifetime ago. As I look back, it was certainly fitting that I chose Believe to be my word for the year. There were days, heck, more like months, when I had to lean heavily into it.
 
I ended 2023 with one last PET scan and Brain MRI. The thought of both brought a bit of anxiety. I tried not to think about the PET scan I had the same time last year. No one anticipated the news it brought of a new tumor in my left breast. I tried to believe that the great results for the last scan would hold over to this one, but it was hard. Thankfully the results did bring good news. Everything was stable. None of the tumors that were left had grown. The spots in my bones that had cancer still showed no sign of cancer at all. The other spots that had disappeared on the last scan were still gone and didn’t show any signs of returning. The tumor on my lung was still there, and the level of cancer activity was the same. The chemo doc said that this was a win, so I’ll take it. Trodelvy, the chemo that I am currently on, is working, so we will keep going on with it. Now that I am completely off the steroids, I do have a bad day with it, but it’s something I can handle. I just need to think of it as a day to binge watch TV and become one with the couch.
 
Next up was the Brain MRI. I was a bit more worried going into this one. My vision had started to be a bit fuzzy when on the computer or reading and my first thought was that a new tumor had popped up on my brain and was the cause of the fuzzy vision. The docs were great and told me that it most likely wasn’t a new tumor, but my body adjusting to not having the steroids in my system 24/7 and most likely old age. Phst! Who are they calling old??? Ha! The MRI went on like clockwork with the hardest part being waiting for the results and chatting with the doc to decipher them. I will say that I’ve gotten pretty good at figuring out what the written report means. When the report was posted to my chart, I didn’t hesitate to read it. Gulp… if I’m reading it right, it sounds like a mixed bag of results. I then took a deep breath and decided to do my best not to think about it and wait to hear from the doc. The good thing is my docs knows me pretty well by now and knew that I was going to read it. A short time later, on New Year’s Eve, I received a message from her about the results. I was right… it is a mixed bag of results. The good news is that the large spots that were treated earlier with radiation are still shrinking. This means that the chemo is doing more that we thought it would. Yippee for that! The bad news is that 3 of the micro-spots on the brain have grown. 2 of the 3 spots are large enough to treat. Because the spots are still very small a different radiation procedure, called radiosurgery, will be used. It should have less side effects and is more detailed in the targeting,​

Now that all the results are in, it is time to figure out what word would help guide me through the year. This really didn’t take to long for me to figure out. My word for 2024 is PERSIST. Believe will always be an underlying theme for me, but it is time to kick it up a notch. I have no plans on lying down and letting cancer win. I still have things to do, people to meet and places to go. The only way that I can do that is to fight for what I want. Persistence pays off. I will keep fighting cancer will all the might that I have. ​

​The month of November just flew past me this year. The good news is that I got the results of my brain MRI back. The large spots that we hit with radiation were significantly smaller and some of the micro spots had disappeared! Yahoo!!! Everything is working like it should.
 
November brought an increase in the dose of chemo I was receiving. The first increase from 70 to 75 percent went off without a hitch. I had no clue that it was increased and had to ask. I figured that if that increase went so well, the next one would be just as easy. Whoops… I was wrong. The last few days I have felt like I’ve been hit by a truck and my appetite is gone. It will subside in the next day or so and my doc will put my next dose back at 75 percent. Hopefully that will put an end to feeling like crap.
 
November also brought my final dose of steroids, but not before I got another case of thrush. Another round of antibiotics and I’m back in the clear. I do wonder if being on steroids is what made the chemo so tolerable. I guess we will find out this week after I do another dose.
 
November also took me to the emergency room again. The past few months I have been dealing with possible cellulitis on my left side that I have also been dealing with lymphedema. Apparently, it is a common side effect to lymphedema. I did a round of antibiotics back in October that we thought cleared things up. Would my body want to cooperate with my life plans, of course not. The week before Thanksgiving I started to show signs of the infection coming back, so back to the doc I went. I was given another round of meds hoping we caught it early and it wouldn’t change my plans for Thanksgiving week. The antibiotics kept the infection from spreading and I got to live my life according to plan. The minute I was done with the antibiotics my body decided to stop following the rules and the cellulitis came back with vengeance. The doc took one look at it and sent me off to the emergency room for some IV antibiotics. Note to everyone, do not go to the emergency room the Monday after Thanksgiving. It was a mad house. After a two hour wait, I was finally brought back to see a doc. Now this doc had his own idea of what was wrong and how to handle it all. He decided that I didn’t need IV meds, but that he would give me more pills to take “just in case it is an infection”. I was not happy with his decision, but also didn’t have the energy to argue with him. I took the pills and left, praying that they would work, and I wouldn’t end up back in the ER. The antibiotics wreaked havoc on my gut and gave me massive heartburn, but they worked. I really wanted to call the doc in the ER and tell him that I was right, but I didn’t. Now that the cellulitis is cleared my physical therapist can really work on reducing the swelling in my due to the lymphedema. I can’t wait for the day that my arms are the same size, and I don’t look like an amateur body builder on the left side.
 
The highlight of November was my sister and nephew coming for a visit from England the week of Thanksgiving. See, I told you I had big plans. We all only had a week together, but we had a blast during that time. I was so excited that I could keep up with everyone. Heck, I even tied for second place playing pee-wee golf. It was also nice just to be able to just sit and chat and have some old-fashioned family fun. Their time here was too short, but here’s hoping we will be able to meet up again soon.
 
I have another PET scan scheduled for later in December. I’m trying not to think too much about it, but it’s hard. I know that I have no control over the cancer, but my brain always seems to find a way to go to a dark place and think the worst. Here’s hoping that my most favorite time of year will keep me in my happy spot.

Mid-October found me at the Cancer Center for my PET scan once again. I have spent so much time there in the last year, most of the staff know me by name. Some might see it as a bad thing, but I prefer to see it as a good thing. Kind of like visiting old friends and I don’t have to explain the laundry list of issues I have. When I scheduled my appointment this time around, I was smart. I made sure to have the PET scan the day before the appointment that I had already scheduled with my chemo doc. I knew that my heart and my nerves could not handle waiting days to see her to go over the results. This was the best decision ever. The scan went off without a hitch and I had barely 24 hours to wait, and over think what could happen.
 
At the past few chemo doc appointments to go over the PET scan results I had the hubs come with me. Unfortunately, this time he was busy with work and couldn’t get away to come with me. I decided that I would go by myself to the appointment. My thought was if I went alone, I would get better news. The morning of the appointment I also decided to put on a full face of make-up. If I’m wearing make-up I won’t cry, so they will have to give me good news, right?! Then I put on my new tee-shirt that arrived in the mail from a mystery sender that reads, “Fighting cancer, going through chemo and still this sexy” hoping everyone in the office would get a good laugh. Even my ipod got the memo, and played positive, kicking butt songs. I got to the doctor’s office and a little voice said, “What if it isn’t good news?” but I quickly squashed that. There was no way that I’m feeling this good and not getting good new too.
 
I was quickly brought back to a room and the waiting for the doc began. Thankfully she wasn’t running too far off schedule and appeared before I knew it. As the door opened I held my breath. The first thing she said was, “You can tell your husband that for the first time in a long time I won’t make you cry”. I then let out a massive sigh of relief followed by laughter. Oh, my goodness, this must mean the chemo is working! The chemo doc started going over the results, and I will admit that I had her repeat part of it cause I didn’t believe it the first time she said it. The spots on my liver that was found in May are gone, the spot on my adrenal gland that was found in August is gone, and the spots on my spine and hip are showing no signs of active cancer. But wait! There’s more! The tumor on my lung had shrunk a bit, but the potency level of the cancer had reduced by half. I was so happy and in disbelief at the same time. There was one lymph node that was slightly inflamed, but it could be from my arm being swollen from the lymphedema. They will keep their eye on it, but they weren’t concerned.
 
Once the good news sunk in a bit, next steps were discussed. I will continue on Trodelvy, the lovely, magical chemo that has brought me good news, for as long as my body can handle it. The goal, as time goes on, is to increase my “off weeks” from my current 2 weeks on, 1 week off, to 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off and then hopefully 3 weeks off. Before we get to that point, we decided to slightly increase the dose that I am receiving. The first dose that I did was 100% of the manufacturer’s recommendations. As you might remember, it made me super sick. The next dose, and the remainder doses that I have done, have been 70% of what was recommended. I have been feeling great, almost normalish since the reduction. The doc and I agreed to see how I would feel with an increase of 5%, making the dose 75% of the recommended amount. The main goal with the increase is to hopefully reduce the size of the tumor on my lung. If we can get it small enough, we can then hit it with radiation and hopefully make it go away. Once we can get it to where there are no new or active cancer spots we can start adding in more off time. I am all for less time at the Cancer Center and more time living life, so I’m up for trying the dose at 75%. If all goes well, I might even be down for upping it to 80%. The major plus side is I am in such a better place, physically and mentally, than when I first started Trodelvy, that I think I can handle these little increases. The major bonus is I know that we can always go back to 70% and be just fine.
 
Now, I know you all are asking, “What about the spots on your brain?” Well, I don’t know about them just yet. The PET scan is not the best tool for showing the details of what is going on with cancer on the brain, so I have a MRI scheduled for the beginning of November to fill us in. I had been taking steroids to help with the swelling/inflammation of the brain and have been slowly weaning myself off of them the last month. Since I haven’t started having headaches or vision problems, the hope is the multiple micro spots are still micro size. The other hope is that since Trodelvy is one of the handful chemotherapies that can cross over the threshold into the brain, it is working some magic there too. Keep your fingers crossed!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I am fully embracing the pink. Pink outfits, pink pumpkins, and pink nails. Heck, I might even get some pink hair! I want the world to know that I, and many others, are fighters and will do whatever it takes to win this war. I could not fight as hard as I am without the support of loved ones. So, thank you for being there and wearing pink alongside me.
 
The month started off with a bit of good news for me. My blood work has improved! The chemo doc reached out to let me know how happy she was with the numbers. My red and white blood cells still need a little help with meds, but my liver results are coming back normal! Yippee!! The hope is that the little tumors that were hanging out on my liver are almost gone. Fingers crossed!
 
October also has me starting to physically feel good… dare I even say, normalish. I’m able to get back into a bit of a routine and do normal things. After months of barely being able to get off the couch, this is a welcome change. Getting back to 100% won’t happen overnight, but I will keep pushing on, one day at a time. Right now, I will take what little bit of normal I have. It has been nice going out shopping, driving, and seeing friends. When I finished radiation, I was advised to use a cane because I was unsteady on my feet. The docs were afraid that if I fell, I would break a bone or two because of the cancer now being in my bones. So, I got a pink cane to help me get around. Now, I’m feeling strong enough to leave it at home for most trips out. If I know it will be an uneven path or a long journey, I’ll bring it along, but for most of my adventures it stays home now.
 
As with anything, there have been a few bumps in the road. I knew that it was a possibility after I finished radiation that I could lose the hair that was in the target zone. To be honest, I really didn’t even think that it would happen. You must imagine the surprise I had when I woke up 2 days after treatment to clumps of hair falling out in the shower. Once I put two and two together, I just laughed, ‘cause there is nothing else one can do. Well, my hair is still falling out now and I’m not laughing so much anymore. I mentioned it to the nurse at one of my chemo appointments, so she looked up the side effects of the new chemo to see if that could be the cause as well. Apparently, a small percentage of the people that have been on this chemo experience hair thinning/loss. Yep… if it’s a rare side effect, I’m going to get it. I will say the fact that I don’t have to worry about shaving my legs is a plus. The rate of hair loss has slowed, which is good. It’s just a bit sad that I went from a really nice full head of hair to a really nice thinning head of hair, with a few bald spots. It’s a good thing I look good in a hat.
 
A few days after my hair started falling out I noticed that my left arm was a bit puffy. My first thought was, what the heck did I do? I have a bit of a history of being a klutz, so really didn’t think too much about it. It wasn’t until my sister was over visiting and noticed that my elbow and upper arm were huge compared to the right side that made me start really thinking about what was going on. Then it dawned (haha) on me, lymphedema! The last PET scan showed that a few of the lymph nodes had signs of cancer, so maybe they were clogged? I had a video call with the chemo doc the next day, so I asked if it was possible and showed her my arm. Her answer was yes. Time to take out the compression sleeve that I was given months ago, and she ordered physical therapy to get things back to normal. What sucks is that there is a shortage of physical therapists so, it has taken over a month for me to get an appointment. I finally got in this last week and have appointments lined up through the end of the year.
 
Another bummer is that I have been on steroids since they found the tumors on my brain. The steroids are to help keep any inflammation down and let the radiation do its thing. Is my recent boost in energy and productiveness a side effect? Probably, but I’ll take it. The downside is I’m wide awake some nights at 3am and can’t go back to sleep if you paid me, and my face has gotten really puffy. I look like a chipmuck! I’m in the process of tapering off the steroids and should be done with them in a month or so. Hopefully my energy level will stay the same, and the puffiness of my face will not.
 
As if the puffy face from the steroids wasn’t enough, I also ended up with thrush. The problem is that I had no clue I had it for the last few weeks. I have been dealing with dry mouth at night, which is a common side effect with various chemotherapies, so I just figured the odd coating of my mouth that I also had was part of it. Nope, apparently not. At my follow up appointment with the radiation doc this last week she asked if I showed any signs of thrush, and I just gave her a puzzled look. She then described exactly what I have been dealing with and I burst out laughing. Here I thought I had to just suck it up and deal with a weird chemo side effect. She prescribed me an antibiotic and almost instantly it started working. Hallelujah!
 
As the seasons change, I reminded myself that now is the time to push for big ticket insurance items to get done and billed by December 31. I hit my out-of-pocket max way back in February, so everything since then has been covered by insurance, but not billed to me. The docs agreed with me and there is a PET scan and brain MRI scheduled for the end of the month and another of each tentatively scheduled for December, if needed. With how good I have been feeling, I am cautiously optimistic going in for these tests. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I will be crossing my fingers and saying a few prayers in the meantime.​

The last few weeks have been a bit crazy. I unfortunately wasn’t able to do another dose of chemo before my scan, but that was probably for the best. The scan happened like normal on Friday, but I wasn’t scheduled to talk to the doc about it until Tuesday. It doesn’t seem like such a long time, until you are the one waiting for news. Friday afternoon I received a call from the doctor’s office letting me know that the doc had reviewed the results and decided to cancel the chemo session that was scheduled for Monday. The nurse couldn’t really give me much info as to why, just that the scan had good and not so good results. So the waiting started…
 
Finally, Tuesday arrived. Let’s start with the good news… The tumor on my lung, as well as the spots on my liver had shrunk. Yippee! At least the torture from the chemo did some good. Now for the bad news… The cancer has spread further into my spine and hips, as well as a new spot has formed on my adrenal gland. Then the whammy came. The scan showed a shadow on my brain that showed signs of being cancer, but a brain MRI would be needed to make sure. Wow, was not expecting that.
 
A new game plan had to be made. To start I would do a massive round of radiation on my lower back and hips to kill off the cancer and help manage the pain. The session took about 20 minutes to complete. The negative of it all is that my pain would increase before it would decrease. To make matters worse I had to argue with the pharmacy to get the new pain meds ready that night. They were concerned about the amount of controlled pain medication that I have received over the last few weeks. Finally, after talking to the doctor, they realized that they all worked in different ways. For about 3 days I was religiously taking the meds on time, then was able to slowly decrease the amount I was taking. Now I only really need them on days that I overdo it.
 
Next step was a brain MRI with contrast to see if there was cancer present. The day of the appointment was a bit of a comedy of errors. The appointment was early in the morning, and I completely forgot to set the alarm. My mom was taking me to the appointment and thank goodness she arrived early. I had 10 minutes to get up, get dressed and out the door. Good thing I didn’t need to dress to impress. I was pretty weak that morning, as I was still in pain from the radiation session, so the staff was nice enough to push me around in a wheelchair. The MRI went as expected. My doc promised to call that afternoon with the results, so I wasn’t stuck waiting again. I had a feeling that she was going to say that the cancer had shown on the MRI so I was a bit prepared. I wasn’t prepared for the news that there were 15 spots on my brain. Only 3 of the 15 were large enough to be treated by radiation. The remaining 12 will be under watch to see if they grow or not.
 
Now while they were trying to figure out the radiation schedule, the docs decided to squeeze in a round of the new chemo. I didn’t worry too much about it, but I probably should have. This chemo is really not my friend. It made me so sick. The anti-nausea pills became my BFF and even then, they didn’t always work. Finally, the chemo worked its way out of my system, just in time to start radiation. The day that I arrived to do the simulation for radiation I was extremely dehydrated. The doctor postponed the simulation and sent me over to get pumped full of hydration. My port then started having issues. Anytime it is accessed they should be able to get a blood return out of it. Sometimes a clot happens, and they have to treat it with some chemical stuff that they leave in overnight. Since the simulation was postponed until the next day, they did the chemical treatment and scheduled another hydration session for before the simulation. When I arrived the next day, my port did everything that it needed to do, and I got some more fluids. I didn’t realize how dehydrated I was until then. I felt so much better.
 
Now to do the simulation. First up was making a mask to keep my head in the same position for the entire procedure. It’s a good thing that I’m not claustrophobic because this mask was a tight fit. Once the mask was molded to my face, they ran the simulation. The results were then sent off to the technicians to make sure everything was lined up. There were a few days lag time between the simulation, and it being finalized, but I was glad for the time to keep building my strength. I ended up having to do two 20-minute radiation sessions. They didn’t cause any pain, just tiredness, so I have an excuse for taking a nap. I am glad to say that radiation is over for now and I have a few days to relax.
 
I met with the chemo doctor again this Monday. She decided it would be best to reduce the amount of chemo due to how sick I was. She also added more anti-nausea meds to the mix, as well as putting me on the stand-by list for hydration if needed. My lab work came back good, so I was able to do chemo on Tuesday. Hopefully all the pre-meds that we added will help keep things smooth sailing. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

The return of cancer meant that all plans I had made for this summer were thrown out the window. To say the least, I was heartbroken. I already had to cancel my plans for summer of 2022, to have to do it again just wasn’t fair! Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that we caught the new tumors earlyish and that there is a treatment plan, but a girl would like to have a break from it all.
 
July was supposed to be my month of starting over. July was the month I could finally have the reconstruction surgery done and I could finally start to feel normal again. I had done all the research on the different types of reconstruction that could be done, met with the surgeon, scheduled all the appointments needed to do the surgery, heck, I even bought the items I would need during recovery. When my chemo doc broke the news that I couldn’t do the surgery while I was on chemo, my heart fell through the floor. Reconstruction is now on the backburner until who knows when. Fingers crossed that it will happen sometime in the future.
 
With my new summer plans made, I moved forward. After four rounds of chemo, my body went on strike. My red and white blood cells numbers dropped dangerously low. My chemo doc called late Friday afternoon to chat about next steps. She was surprised at how well I sounded; I told her that sometimes you fake it until you make it. She then laid out the plan for the next week, more blood work and most likely a blood transfusion. After a low-key weekend, I went in on Monday and did blood work. All day Monday it felt like I was walking through quicksand, so I had a feeling my numbers weren’t going to be good. My intuition was right. The doctor’s office called me Tuesday morning to let me know that my numbers dropped even more so we would need to do the transfusion. The center that would do the transfusion had an opening Wednesday that they were holding for me. I will say that I was nervous about the procedure, but the care team there made me feel at ease. I ended up getting two units of blood, which meant I was there for 5 hours. They had beverages and snacks, so the time flew by. When I left I had a bit of color back to my face and hope for the days ahead.
 
I woke up on Friday feeling like a new person. I was energized and renewed. I felt like the old me, almost. This was good news. You see, a few weeks before I mentioned to the hubs that we should celebrate my birthday. We hadn’t done anything really in 2022, and I needed to celebrate something. I was so worried that the transfusion wouldn’t work and we would have to cancel, but the cards were in my favor. It was so nice to get out and see everyone and forget about my worries for a bit.
 
I was hopeful that since I was feeling so great it would mean that I would get back on schedule with chemo. Yes, you read that right. I’m wanting to do chemo. If it is going to kick the cancer out, I’m all for it. Unfortunately, my platelet count was really low, so it wasn’t safe to start chemo. The doc ordered another week off, with hopes that will give me time for my body to fix itself. So I spent the week taking it easy – napping when I needed it, eating half a bag of Cheetos in one sitting and watching mindless TV. Friday came faster than I thought it would and I went in to have more blood work done. The results wouldn’t come in until Friday evening/Saturday morning, so I knew that the decision about chemo wouldn’t be made until Monday morning.
 
I results of the tests are posted online, so that gives me some time to do a bit of armchair quarterbacking. My platelets were up (yahoo!), but my white blood cells dropped (boo!). I couldn’t remember what the cut off number was, so I spent the weekend hoping I was just above the cut off number. My question was answered Monday morning when the doctor’s office called; I was too low for chemo. I asked what the cut off was and was told the bare minimum that they will do chemo is 1.4, my number was .4. Way off! So I get another week off. They only plus side is that will all the time off, my taste buds are almost back to normal and I’m cooking again. Hopefully that will help out my white blood cells a bit. Blood work will be done again on Friday. Here’s hoping that everything will finally be good enough for chemo.
 
Next week is an important week. Monday I will hopefully do chemo, but more importantly it’s the hubs birthday. I can’t wait to celebrate him. Also, next Friday I have scheduled another PET scan to see how much the chemo has worked. We had hoped to have 6 doses of chemo done, but we will have to settle for hopefully 5. I’m trying to not let my nerves get the best of me, but it’s hard. I’ll be saying multiple prayers until the results are back. Maybe you could say one too?

Starting IV chemo again was the last thing that I wanted to have to do. I had hoped that I was on my way to a normal life, but my body had other ideas. Once the tumor on my lung was found everything started moving at warp speed. Every week was a different procedure. By the time I started chemo my body was run down and not loving life. The ablation surgery left me in an extreme amount of pain. I knew that the surgery would take time for the pain to ease, but my body was taking its sweet time cooperating.
 
A week after the ablation surgery I started chemo. I was also on a steady dose of oxycodone to kill the back pain. To say that I was a hot mess is an understatement. Since I was on oxy my mom drove me to my appointment and the hubs picked me up. The procedure was uneventful. They pumped me full of steroids, anti-nausea medications and fluids and then added the Carboplatin/Gemzar chemo into the mix. From start to finish it only took about an hour and 15 minutes to complete.
 
Thanks to the steroids that they add to the chemo mix, it takes a day or so for the side effects of the chemo to kick in. Now, the first time around when the side effects kicked in, they did so with vengeance. Between the amount of back pain that I was in and the side effects of the chemo, eating was not at the top of my list. Over the last month I ended up losing 15 pounds. Now, yes, I had 15 pounds to lose, but this was not the way to do it. At the worst time after chemo, I was a shade of grey that you should never be, and honestly thought I was close to death. Thankfully the latter was not true.
 
The next week I was supposed to do another round of chemo, but I was dreading it. I went in and had blood work done beforehand to make sure my body could handle it. When the office called to see how I was feeling and to go over my numbers I was in tears. I was still feeling the side effects of the first dose of chemo. I could barely eat, and I wasn’t able to get enough fluid into my body. It was decided that I would postpone the round of chemo that was scheduled and get IV fluids instead. The day I went in for fluids, I also met with the nurse that works with my doctor since my doctor was on vacation. She was very ambitious and ended up rubbing me and my mom the wrong way. She was adamant about keeping me on my chemo schedule and wanted me to come in the next day. I said no, my body could not handle it. I then went and got pumped full of fluids and went home. The nurse then called that evening hoping I would change my mind about chemo. Hahaha, nope. Did the fluids help? Yes. Am I ready to put my body through hell again? Nope. I need time to recover and find my soul again.
 
That week off is just what I needed. I was able to recharge my body and get in the amount of fluids that it needs. I was also able to ween myself off of all the painkillers I was on. I still take some Aleve to help kill the aches and pains so I can sleep. Without the massive amount of pain that I was in, I was able to eat a bit more and start to feel energized, kind of. I tried to keep the next round of chemo out of my mind. When I thought about it, my anxiety would start to flare, and I didn’t need that.
 
The day of my second round of chemo finally arrived. To say that I was anxious is an understatement. Thankfully I have a little pill that helps with that. The infusion nurse gave me the good news that they reduced my dose slightly, so hopefully it will not be as horrible as the first time around. If I had the energy, I would have done the dance of joy around the infusion room. The chemo infusion went off without a hitch. The next few days were low key. Thankfully I didn’t not have the insane side-effects like the first round, but I did still have some nausea that I had to use my anti-nausea pills for. At least I felt way better than the time before.
 
The way the chemo is scheduled is I’m supposed to do chemo two Mondays in a row, and then have a week off. Well, my start went round 1, week off, round 2, week off. During my second week off I did a video call with my doc. We went over everything that happened. She adjusted the amount of chemo to match my new weight. That should help with the side effects a lot. I then asked if there was anything that could help with my appetite. There was! She then prescribed me a pill that would help with sleep, mood, and appetite. I will take whatever help I can get. Then we talked about my red blood cells. The last four weeks they have been hoovering right about the number where they would send me off to get a blood transfusion. She really wants to avoid that, as it comes with a list of complications. There is a shot available that will help raise my red blood cell count. Of course, it has its own list of complications, but it’s a lot shorter of a list. The major plus side of the shot is that it would help my energy level increase. After making a quick list of the pros and cons, I went with going with the shot. Getting a bit more energy is worth the cons. It was a good video call indeed.
 
This Monday was chemo day. Hopefully since it’s been reduced to match my new weight and I have all these other meds to hopefully counterbalance the side effects, everything will be smooth sailing. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

​My goal was to post this earlier like back on May 29, but life has an interesting way of delaying your plans. I am doing my best to give myself some grace when personal projects are not don’t on time, I hope you can too.

I received the results from my PET Scan last week. Well, I ended up going over the results twice. The first time I spoke with the doc that was handling biopsy on my lung. She is also a surgeon that handles various cancer surgeries. She broke the news that the intense back pain was from breast cancer that has spread to three different vertebrae in my spine. Well crap! I wasn’t expecting that. She then recommended that I try an ablation procedure on it. The procedure is done during a CAT scan. They line the needle up with the cancer and freeze the cancer cells. Once everything is all frozen, she will add a bit of a cement product and that will seal the deal. Once I’ve finished chemo again, I will need to do a bit of radiation on it to finish it off.
 
She then explained what she did for the lung biopsy. I laid on my stomach and they numbed up my right shoulder. She then used the CAT Scan to guide her and do her magic. The whole procedure took about 15 – 20 minutes. I then had to lay there and chill to make sure the lung wasn’t punctured. After about an hour they did an x-ray and it came back good. The discharge paperwork was completed, and my mom came and picked me up and took me home. Mom helped me finish so laundry (Thanks Mom!!) Once the hubs arrived home “the changing of the guard commences”.
 
The downside to taking all these pain pills is I can’t drive. On Tuesday my mom came down to pick me up and drove me to the chemo doc. I met the hubs there. They very quickly got us into our own room. Before we knew it the doc was with us. She went over the info that the other doc gave up about my vertebrae. She agreed about the ablation procedure she mentioned and got the paperwork started on it. We didn’t have the biopsy info back, but she was able to say that it was about the size of a golf ball.
 
There was a bit more info… the PET scan is showing three, pin size cancer spots on my liver. Well crap again! Once more info is available from the biopsy she will be able to give me all the options available to us and make a decision on a chemo plan. So we went home and I cried. This was not on my to do list for 2023.
 
As I slowly came to terms with my new fate I came to terms that I would be doing IV chemo again. Thursday evening my chemo doc called and the mass on my lung is triple negative breast cancer. I was discussed at tumor board earlier in the week and they felt Carboplatin/Gemzar would make the best option to kick the cancer out of my body. It is set up to go chemo on Thursday, then chemo the next Thursday, then a week off. So basically 2 weeks on, one week off. This will be done for a few months. Then a CT scan will be done to see how things have progressed.
 
Before we start with the chemo adventure, the docs wanted the whole ablation procedure done and out of the way. They wanted me at the hospital at 8:30am. Mom did the drop off and I felt like I was back in school. The whole procedure went right to plan. They gave me some twilight anesthesia, which does a great job of killing the pain, but they can still communicate with me and vice versa. Thank goodness I could communicate with them! About half-way though my pain level went off the chart. It was so intense I didn’t think that I could handle it. They were able to bring it back down. As they would continue with the procedure there would be pain flairs that I would moan out letting them know about the pain, and they found away to take care of it.
 
Finally, the procedure was over. If it was possible, I would have danced a jig around the entire hospital. Now we needed to figure out how to keep the pain at a low level, so I could go home. Hour after hour the pain kept bouncing around. It was decided around 4pm that I would be spending the night in the hospital. It was safer for me, so I said yes Mom and the hubs went and picked up a few things for me, a girl needs her snacks and phone charger. Once I got in my room, they had me order some dinner, very exciting soup, bread roll, jello, ginger ale, and the best dang cup of tea that I had had in ages. Once I had eaten my pain level seemed to calm down. We finally had reached a good spot, so mom and my hubs headed home and drifted off to sleep. The night was uneventful. We kept the pain meds at the same level, and it seemed to work out fine.
 
Morning came and we put together a pain management plan. I order breakfast (2 cups of tea this time) and the hubs a I headed home. I put on a fresh PJs and made myself comfortable on the couch. The hubs decided to work from home for the rest of the day, just in case I needed anything.
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I am still extremely emotional about all of this and am working on coming to terms with my new road head. I have been trying to lead this parade with grace and positivity and I hope to continue doing so, but well, I am still human. If I happen to have a moment when I fall from grace, please give me a hug as you help me up.

This post might be the hardest one I’ve had to write. I should be celebrating that I am almost through my cancer journey. I should be getting ready for my reconstruction surgery. I should be getting ready to move on.

It was this time last year that I was getting ready for the mammogram to see what this newfound lump was all about. I kept this secret just between the Hubs and I. I didn’t want to say anything if it all turned out to be nothing. There was no need to make a fuss yet. Little did I know then the adventure that I was in for.

About a month ago I started the final stage of my treatment, oral chemo pills. Everything seemed to be okay, and then wham, a sinus infection hit. Thanks to all the rain in California, allergies are at an all-time high and instead of just giving me the sniffles, I got the full-blown infection. One round of antibiotics and I’m feeling better.

Then I start another the next round of chemo pills and I start having low grade fevers and chills. At first, I just racked it up to I’m still recovering from the sinus infection and restarting chemo didn’t help. Probably not a good combo, but so be it. As my temperature increased, so did my concern. The other Friday evening my temperature reached 102.3. Okay that’s high. Popped some Advil and called the chemo doc. She had me take a COVID test (negative) and then we made a plan. If my temperature reached 101 again, I needed to call her office and then head off to the emergency room. My body was nice enough to wait until Saturday, late morning before spiking another fever. Called the doc, put together a bag of snacks and power cords, texted my mom and then off to the emergency room we went.

When we got to the ER we were in luck. Nobody was there! I got checked in right away and was taken back to my private room. At this point I was also having back pain that was getting progressively worse. Getting out of bed, getting in and out of cars and standing after sitting was becoming more painful with each passing day. I figured since I was there, I would add it to my list of things to check. Everyone’s main concern was that I might be becoming septic, so a bunch of vials of blood were draw. One set from the IV line they just placed, another set from a random spot in my arm and the third set from my port. One set was sent to the lab in house, while the other two were sent off to outside labs. I got into a tiff with one of the nurses about doing the blood draw. She desperately wanted to use my left side, so we had blood from both arms, but I flat out told her no. I didn’t want to chance Lymphedema and having my arm blow up to the size of a balloon. Once she realized what was going on she finally agreed. They also tested me for COVID and the flu.

Thankfully I came back negative for COVID and flu and the blood work wasn’t showing anything concerning as it came back. They then decided to do a chest x-ray to make sure I didn’t have pneumonia. It was pretty cool, instead of having to get and go to the x-ray room, they brought the x-ray to me. It worked out well since I was hooked up to an IV for fluids. After the x-ray I asked them for some pain meds for my back. They asked if I wanted morphine. I just started laughing and said no, we can start with something not so strong. And anyone who knows me, knows that morphine has a history of making me see pick elephants. I just wasn’t up for hallucinating yet.

The ER doc came in and said that the x-ray showed a spot on my right lung that could either be pneumonia or a cyst that would need to be drained. Next up was a CT scan to see which option would be the lucky winner. They wheeled me over to the CT room and got my IV set up for the contrast dye and got me set up on the machine. The whole procedure took like 10 minutes. They wheeled me back to my room and we waited, again.

The ER doc finally came back in. The spot that they found on the x-ray wasn’t pneumonia or a cyst, it was breast cancer that went rouge and set up home on my lung. This was such a shock and kick to the gut. It was honestly the last thing that I expected them to say. My chemo doc arrived next to the ER and gave me a massive hug. We then started getting a game plan into place. A PET Scan was already scheduled for May 19, so we kept that to see what else might be going on. She then put in orders for a biopsy of the tumor on my lung and that is now scheduled for Monday, May 22. She then warned me that I will probably have to do IV chemo again. Alright, bald girl summer part 2 here we come.

The doc wanted to keep me on the chemo pills but was worried about what was causing the random fevers, so she ordered a strong antibiotic with hope it would keep them at bay. With all this cancer talk we got home, and I realized we completely forgot about my back. Advil was working to keep the pain down, but by Thursday the amount of pain I was in was unbearable. My team called in some super duty pain meds and it has taken the edge off for the most part.

I will be honest here… I am absolutely scared to my core. There is still so much left unknow. I am doing my best taking it one day at a time, but staying strong is hard.

WHAT I NEED FROM YOU… just give me a call or a text letting me know that you are thinking of me. Let’s not have our whole conversation be about me. Your kid hit a homerun, great tell me all about it. You hit a skunk with your car, not so great, but tell me more. I need to keep my life as normal as possible.

If you call to complain about the care I am receiving from my doctors, stop right there. I will not tolerate any negative talk about my care or my team of docs. You don’t like how long the test results are taking, that sucks for you. I would rather have tests that are done properly than a rush job with half ass answers.

I go tomorrow morning for the biopsy. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. As soon as I have more info I will let you all know.
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XOXO